Former Flames Fridays - Marlana Botnick Fireman

12/27/24

Last one of the year!

You were featured in volume 666. What has happened since?

Nothing and everything. I graduated from an MFA program, submitted a lot, got rejected a lot, and got one acceptance. So I have one story in the pipeline with The Southeast Review, which is exciting. Outside of writing, since the publication of this poem, I raised some monarch butterflies, cared for my dog after his eye surgery, started crocheting, and almost lost a Croc in quicksand (literally) while exploring the Red River in Louisiana with my partner. 

I’ve Been Compelled To Write About Something I Never Want To Speak About

I was compelled to get drunk
after I saw the woman’s head
cracked open on the sidewalk.
On the same block where I 
took a photo, admiring the
neighborhood and I was
newly eighteen.

Inspecting my heat rash in the
mirror and considering how 
cheap the wine was, I could’ve 
gotten very drunk and then 
gotten behind the wheel of my 
car and drive home with swimmy 
vision like I used to do.
Instead I went home, only
having taken advantage of 
happy hour for two drinks so I 
could pet my dog sweet dog
who need drops in her brown eyes.
And I wanted to drink myself 
into a state of blackness, and
even though the viscosity of 
her blood keeps flashing in my
mind’s eye, I can’t lay in bed 
forever until I waste away. 

Because her body on the sidewalk was 
too present for me to ever forget 
that it has marked many, forever,
who walked by and saw her there. 
I want to drive to the ocean and 
dive in every day until the salt 
water doesn’t burn anymore. 
But I can’t do that because 
my girlfriend is singing in the 
bathtub and the dog. 
She needs her drops. 

What/who inspired I’ve Been Compelled To Write About Something I Never Want To Speak About? How does it fit into your style/body of work?

This poem is autobiographical. It is also my first published poem. I wrote it to process something that I witnessed while I was also taking care of my dog Aiko, who was dying. I know that sounds ridiculously depressing, but working on this poem helped me move a lot of stuck energy. I was having a lot of trouble processing, but I found that writing helped, and poetry lent a gentler hand to that processing. Hence the title. In a profile of Hanif Abdurraqib, he said, “...using poetic forms simply slightly softens the impact so that you can continually endure the harder realities.” That quote really helped me to understand how this poem came about. Although it was a sad time in my life, this poem also pays homage to how caring for Aiko was grounding for me during that time. 

Why Troublemaker Firestarter? What compels you to submit your work? Why be a writer at the end of the world?
Who are your current favorite writers?

Well, my last name is Fireman, so that felt like an immediate connection, ha. I am very drawn to that imagery. I also appreciated y'all's willingness to work with a fairly gruesome, very depressing poem. I figured the poem would be hard, if not impossible to place, and that was okay with me. It's very personal. If it ended up being just for me, that's okay. But I'm grateful that it found a home. There's got to be spaces where writers and publishers are willing to engage with those hard things, as long as they're presented in good faith. 

My favorite writers are truly all over the place. In the last two years, I've read every book Tana French has published. She is just brilliant. She and Elena Ferrente are probably my top two. I also love Sayaka Murata, Silvia Moreno-Garcia, Hanif Abdurraqib, Lucy Knisley, Taylor Jenkins Reid, Mary Oliver, and Mary Roach.

Are you a troublemaker, a firestarter, a heartbreaker, a lucky duck, a devil, a terror, or sad and horny?

I see a little of myself in all of these adjectives. But especially troublemaker. I like subversion. I like finding loopholes. I think I create a little trouble (mostly good, but not always...) wherever I go. I'm not fully convinced, but I think it comes from the fact that I'm a Sagitarrius moon.

Where can people find you?

Instagram, @firelightdisco -- folks can request me. I'm private there (for now) because I teach English to a bunch of brilliant eighteen year olds, who don't need to know Instagram-me until they graduate. Lol. And my website, 

https://www.marlanabotnickfireman.com/

What would you want the lovely readers of Substack to do?

Work hard at your craft, follow your dreams, do no harm, and take no shit. And follow me, or don't. I'm not your boss.